A Letter to My Younger Self: The Truth I’ve Been Afraid to Face

Dear Younger Me,

I’m writing to you today with a heart that feels like it’s been through a storm, tossed, torn, and yet finally ready to speak the truth. I’ve spent so many years running, hiding behind a mask of pseudo-perfection, pretending I had it all together. I realize now that in doing so, I’ve been lying not just to the world, but to you, the person I should have protected the most.

I need to ask for your forgiveness. For so long, I neglected our needs, convinced that we had something to prove in order to be loved. I pushed you beyond our limits, believing that if we just tried harder, did more, and kept up the façade, we would finally be worthy of the love we so desperately sought. I’m sorry for the weight of expectations I placed on your tiny shoulders; for every time I ignored your cries for help; and for every moment I pretended you didn’t matter as much as the approval of others.

I know now that we’ve been carrying a heavy load, a burden of sadness, pain, grief, sorrow, and resentment that’s been growing inside for years. Sadness from the times we felt invisible; pain from the constant rejection of our true self; grief for the moments we lost to this charade; sorrow for the parts of us that withered away; and resentment toward a world that made us feel like we had to wear this mask to survive, to capitalize on our suffering. I’ve been so afraid to admit how broken I’ve felt, fearing that acknowledging this would somehow make us less. But the truth is, this pain doesn’t diminish us; it’s part of our story, and it’s time to honor that.

Looking back, I see how every interaction in the personal parts of our life was colored by this desperate need to be enough. We were always striving to meet others’ expectations, molding ourselves into what we thought they wanted, while scrubbing away the true essence of who we really are. I understand now that in trying to be everything for everyone, we lost sight of who we were meant to be.

I remember something my dad used to say: “We are not gold coins to be liked by everyone.” But in my over-functioning program, I was determined to become that gold coin, shining so brightly that everyone would want me, would accept me. What I didn’t realize was that in trying to be that for everyone else, I tarnished the very brilliance that made me, me. For 56 years, I nearly snuffed out the flame that once burned so brightly within. I’m so sorry for that. I’m sorry for dimming our light in a world that so desperately needed it to shine.

But here’s where the story changes.

I’m choosing to stop running, to stop hiding from the feelings that have been festering inside for so long. I’m choosing to explore these emotions unapologetically, with a newfound honesty, using the tools and technologies available to me, whether it’s writing, music, or even the digital platforms that allow me to express our truth in ways we never could before.

It’s hard work, but I’m committed to keeping the embers of our light glowing. A few flames of that fire inside me are starting to spark again, fueled by the gentle winds of healing that have finally arrived. I feel them fanning the flames of our spirit, and I’m determined to nurture them until our light shines as it was always meant to.

And that’s why I want to dedicate my latest song, The Real Me, to you. This song is a love letter to the parts of us that I’ve kept hidden for far too long. It’s an anthem of revelation, a declaration that the person you’ve always been, underneath the armor, the pain, and the expectation, is finally allowed to breathe. The Real Me is about stepping into the light after years of living in the shadows, no longer carrying the weight of guilt. It’s about embracing the cracks in our armor and realizing that they make us whole, not broken.

In this song, I’m telling you, and the world, that I see you now. I see the little girl who fought so hard to be perfect, who never let herself falter because she thought she couldn’t afford to. I see the woman who’s tired of carrying that burden, who’s ready to shed the layers of what the world wanted her to be and embrace who she truly is. This song is my way of saying that you were always enough, just as you are.

The Real Me is a tribute to our journey, the struggles, the tears, the moments of doubt, and the quiet victories. It’s about owning every part of our story, not just the polished parts, but the messy, beautiful truth that lies underneath. It’s a reminder that we don’t have to prove anything to anyone anymore. We can just be, and that’s more than enough.

So, dear younger me, this song is for you.

For all the times you felt alone; for all the nights you cried in silence; for all the days you kept pushing forward even when you didn’t think you could. The Real Me is my promise to you that from now on, we’ll walk this path together, with honesty, with grace, and with love.

Thank you for surviving, for holding on when it felt like everything was falling apart. Thank you for your resilience, for your courage. And most of all, thank you for forgiving me, for I know that in forgiving myself, we can finally begin to heal.

With all my love and newfound respect,

Your Future Self

And remember this: the light was never lost, it was only waiting for you to return.

☥